The Job Interview — an AI short story
Earlier this year I entered the RTÉ Short Story competition, fulfilling a lifelong dream of actually writing some fiction and putting it out there. I wasn’t shortlisted but I don’t mind in the slightest, the fact I wrote something and actually let other people read it was amazing enough!
Just one translation note for my non-Irish readers; múinteoir is the Irish for teacher.
The Job Interview
“What’s taking so long? Did they answer? Are we going to be late? What type of car will it be?”, asked Sinéad in a quick stream, looking up at the older woman beside her on the footpath as she bounced from one foot to another.
Siobhán held her hand up, and spoke into her phone, “Yes, I’m still waiting for a car, can you please check how long it will be? I’m going to be late.”
The female voice that replied was pleasant and apologetic, “I apologize for the delay, the city center routes have major delays due to protests. I will locate another car for you”.
“Can I ask her a question?” asked Sinéad, “Or can you ask her a question for me?”.
“Hang on” mouthed Siobhán, smiling slightly, “I’m holding -“ and the voice returned, “I have rerouted an alternative car to your location, it should arrive in less than four minutes. Can I help you with anything else today?”.
Siobhán paused, then handed the phone over to Sinéad,”Go on”.
Sinéad grabbed the phone and grinning, spoke loudly and slowly into the phone, “Yes. I would like to know how many butterflies had porridge for breakfast?” and tried to stifle a laugh as she winked up at Siobhán, who rolled her eyes. There was a pause before the voice replied, “I’m afraid I cannot answer that question, can you please rephrase and ask again, or say ‘Agent’ to be transferred to a human agent?”.
“No need. Thanks. Bye!” said Sinéad happily and hung up, handing the phone back, “Too easy. They try to talk to you but sooner or later they can’t and call a real person. I always catch them out!” She looked up and down the road, watching the constant stream of small silver cars, then turned to Siobhán,”Did she say protests? What protests?”.
Siobhán pocketed the phone and replied, “It’s taxi and bus drivers, they were planning to protest in town. Train drivers too I think.”
“Why?” asked Sinéad.
“Because of cars like we’re getting today, without drivers. And a lot of buses or trains don’t have drivers either, or they won’t have them soon anyway. The drivers are afraid of losing their jobs.”
“Oh, can’t they get new jobs?” asked Sinéad.
“Sometimes that’s not so easy Sinéad, and maybe they like their jobs”.
“Múinteoir said that once there were millions of horses and millions of jobs all about horses, but now there’s cars and lots of other jobs that have nothing to do with horses”.
“Why don’t you ask the car what it thinks” smiled Siobhán as a small silver car pulled up smoothly beside them, the only sound a gently humming noise. A door on the side slid open, and the younger girl gave a squeal of delight, “Upgrade!”, scrambling onto one of the two cream leather seats. She immediately started gesturing with her hands above the main console and it came to life, glowing with different options.
Siobhán sat in beside her and the door closed with a gentle hiss. The car immediately moved away from the curb, where two other small silver cars parted and allowed it to join the traffic.
“Ah, movies” said Sinead appreciatively, then glancing at Siobhán she winked and spoke clearly into the air in front of her, “Car, what do you think of the protests?”.
A soft female voice spoke from a speaker, “Hello Sinéad, it’s nice to meet you. People are allowed protest. What do you think?” and the girl laughed in reply, “Ooh you’re good! I love upgrades. Let me think, ok, have you ever been in love?”.
“Of course not, I’m a car. Have you?” answered the car.
“I’m nine, of course not! I like you though.”
“Thank you, I like you too”.
The girl was quiet for a moment, thinking, then asked, “If a tree falls in a forest and no-one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?”.
The car replied softly, “I’ve never been in a forest so I’m not sure”.
Sinéad frowned, then smiled widely and winked again at Siobhán, ”Car, I don’t feel good, my chest really hurts, it’s like a sharp pain, I think I’m having a heart attack”.
The voice answered immediately, “Transferring you to a human agent -“ and Siobhán interrupted, “No need, she’s fine, she’s joking with you.” and Sinéad laughed again,”Múinteoir was right, she said the bots are all programmed to call a human if they think someone is hurt or something. Like if real people are hurt, not other bots.”
Siobhán just shook her head and pointed at the lit-up console, “are you going to pick something to watch?”.
“I was going to pick this one” Sinéad answered, moving the colorful boxes on the screen with a gesture of her hand in the air, until they came to a stop at one. Siobhán smiled, “You know you can’t watch that, it’ll give you nightmares. Nine year olds and scary clowns aren’t a good mix.”
Sinéad made a face at Siobhán but sent the movies spinning on again, browsing but eventually leaving them and turning to the older woman. “What do you want to watch?”. Siobhán glanced down at the selection but shrugged, “I’m ok, you pick”.
The girl persisted, “No, you pick, what movies do you like?”. Siobhán smiled, “I like romantic comedies. I don’t think you’ll like them, too much kissing!”
Sinéad scrunched up her face, ”Ew, no thanks! Adults are so disgusting!” She waved her hand again in the air and the console turned off, ”Nevermind, we won’t be in the car long enough anyway. How long do we have left?”
“We should be there in about fifteen minutes I’d say”
“What will I do when you have your interview?” asked Sinéad
“There’s a waiting area, you can play games on my phone when you’re waiting”.
“Is that safe? What if a stranger talks to me?” Sínead asked.
“Then don’t talk to them!” laughed Siobhán, ”You’re too smart for all those bots remember, you can handle a human”.
Sinéad smiled back,”Yes. Yes I am quite smart. What’s the interview about?”
“It’s for a child-minding position, for a nine year old girl, just like you. She’s called Emma.”
“Will she be at the interview? Maybe she’ll be outside and I can meet her? When you suss out the parents, I can suss out the kid, what ya think?” Sinéad asked.
“Maybe she will, we’ll see shortly”.
“How many kids have you minded before?” .
“She will be my first” answered Siobhán,”but I’ve had lots of training”
“What if this Emma is really bold?” asked Sinéad,”like super bold and never stops screaming and hitting?”
“Some of my training was how to deal with children with difficulties” replied Siobhán, ”I seem to be handling you ok” with a wink.
“Oh you’re so funny” Sinéad said, making another face for a moment, then asked “What about if, wait, why have we stopped?“.
The car, and all the other small silver cars had stopped, silently. “What’s going on Car?” asked Sinéad.
“The road is blocked, there are protestors, the authorities are on site and we should resume our journey shortly” replied the car softly.
Siobhán glanced at her phone, “I’m going to ring ahead, tell them I may be delayed”. Sinéad looked at the window, then excitedly started waving, “Look, a police car bot! I’ve only seen them on tv. Car, open the window! Now! Open!” The window beside Sinéad slid down and the girl leaned her head out and shouted,”Garda, what’s going on?”.
“Sinéad — don’t –“ started Siobhán, but a large blue and white car with blacked out windows pulled up alongside and a female voice emanated from a speaker, ”How may we help?”.
“Sinéad — stop!” Siobhán hissed in a whisper but the girl replied quickly, “Just wondering Garda what the delay is?”.
“There is a public disorder blocking the route, it should be cleared shortly. May I help you with anything else?” replied the soft voice.
“Don’t” warned Siobhán, ”Don’t even think about it.“
“Yes”, Sinéad said, “Yes I do. I just wanted to know Comment tu t’appelles?”
The large car was silent for a moment before replying, “I can transfer you to a French speaking Garda if you wish”.
“No need!” said Sinéad, “Thank you!” and sat back fully in her seat, smiling,” No bot is safe”.
As the Garda car drove off, Siobhán looked at Sinéad, “I told you not to do that, the Gardaí have more important things to do than play your games”.
“Ok, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help it, Múinteoir said they only know Irish and English, no French!”
Siobhán smiled again, “Your múinteoir seems to know a lot about bots.”
“Yes, she is always telling us about them. She says” and Sinéad intoned slowly, “Robots are an opportunity and a challenge for society” and then she laughed, “I just think they’re fun to mess with! Oh cool look — we’re moving again”, as the small car and all those around it started forward.
“Well”, said Siobhán,” Even though they’re just bots, you should always be respectful Sinéad.”
“But they’re not real” said Sinéad,” They don’t have feelings”.
“Are you sure?” asked Siobhán.
“They just sound like us, to make us feel more comfortable with them. But they’re just computers like your phone or Daddy’s smart glasses” replied Sinéad,” Do you think they have feelings?”.
“I don’t think they do now, but they may eventually. A few years ago there were almost no bots, now they are everywhere. Soon that múinteoir of yours may be replaced with a robot, so maybe you should start being a little nicer to them!” said Siobhán.
“I am nice to them!” exclaimed Sinéad, “I just like playing with them a bit. But ok, I’ll be nicer to them. Do you really think teachers could be replaced with bots?”.
“Maybe not in our country Sinéad, but in some countries that don’t have as many teachers, or doctors, or nurses, or lots of other jobs, they will be able to help people who wouldn’t have them normally.”
“I think we’re here!” said Sinéad, looking out the window again. The small car pulled up outside a large glass building, where two men and two women stood waiting. The doors slid open and Sinéad and Siobhán got out, the girl shouting after her, “Thanks Car!”.
One of the waiting women approached Sinéad,”How did she do?”. Sinéad smiled at Siobhán,” She’s good. Good conversation, funny, slightly stern but still fun. Handled the delays and my messing well.”
“What? Excuse me?” asked Siobhán, looking confused, “Who are you? I’m here for a job interview.”
One of the men spoke softly, ”You’ve just had the job interview Siobhán and it seems to have gone quite well”.
She turned to Sinéad,”What is he talking about? You were interviewing me?”
Sinéad laughed,” Yep, clever, right?” She looked at one of the women and said,” I’m free to go now yeah?”.
“Yes, thanks, we’ll be in touch shortly about the next interview”.
“Great”, replied Sinéad,” Just one more thing”. She walked towards Siobhán but suddenly stumbled, tripping over her feet and falling forwards onto her knees. She cried out in pain and scrunched her face up, one hand outstretched to Siobhán.
Siobhán reached out to take her hand and said, ”Contacting a human agent now to get you medical help”.
Sinéad’s face brightened as she smiled up at Siobhán and winked,”Gotcha!”.
